"He hated every minute of it, especially being so completely caught in a bleak and grueling present that there was nothing to look forward to but chow. He loved and admired his drill instructors, never doubting that they had his best interests at heart, and he was terribly proud on graduation day. Later he would tell me that it was the happiest day of his life."

Date:	2006-04-04 11:27
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm

I'm back.

There's so much I want to tell everyone about BCT, but I don't know where to start.

Let's just say I was taken back by how difficult it was. I honestly think MO was/is/will always be a lot tougher than Parris Island. Let's just say the cold was very, very bitter. A girl got frostbite on one of our FTXs.

I look at life a lot differently. With alittle more appreciation.

I'm 117 lbs. The highest weight I've been. It doesn't make sense. All that exercise and activity, and I come out of the Army fatter. I hate it.

I did get a 249 on my PT test.

I was in 1st platoon - Scorpions, honor platoon, honor company (C 3-10). I'll always miss the bond I had with the soldiers from my platoon.

So, yeah, I'm out and graduated.

Date:	2006-01-18 13:21
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	crushed

I don't think I can handle leaving.

I ship out tomorrow.

Today was the last day I get to see Albert till the end of Basic. I'm more heartbroken than you'd ever know.

I might miss weight. I don't know if I want that to happen or not.

I feel like puking.

I think I graduated at the end of March or the beginning of April. I have 10 weeks of bullshit.

Date:	2006-01-11 20:03
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed

I went to see SSG. Basler today. We were suppose to run, but it rained so we ended up just taking my weight and talking. Tuesday morning is when we're suppose to run and all that jazz. I have to do a pre-basic training test to get promoted to an E-2, which is run 2 miles in under 19 minutes (ew, I don't even know if I can run two miles), do 19 push-ups, 53 sit-ups (wish me luck), do drill and ceremonies, salute, read a map, navigate with a map, say the alphabet, recite the General Orders, do time, and I believe memorize how the prowords (or whatever they're called). I hope I get everything down by then. Everyone else gets like months to do their shit. I get a few days. All the recruiters say I'm their poster child, and they use me as an example when talking to prospective people. :) Oh yeah, baby!

I'm really nervous about leaving. I mean nervous. Albert has no faith in me. I'm going to miss my kitties. Plus I have to go back to MEPS. That's probably the WORST thing possible. I mean, if I was just dropped off at the airport or something like that, it'd be fine. But go back, do the hotel thing again, and all that jazz. No. No. No. Fuck MEPS. That just makes everything worst.

I don't want to leave.

Plus I'm going to be a PRIVATE! EW! That's embarassing. Why can't I be Private First Class. lol.

Date:	2006-01-11 16:33
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad

I'm afraid to leave. :(

Date:	2006-01-06 18:46
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored

I finally found out exactly what my job is going to be. Basically for the 11 weeks I'll be in training I'll be learning about every weapon and missile the United States currently uses. With this knowledge I'll be fixing the weapons. SSG. Basler said the boring part of the job is there will probably be very little amount of weapons I'll have to fix within my unit. So, basically I have to keep track of all the weapons being used as well as rounds fired and inspect the weapons for any damage. But if I do go to Iraq I'll definitely see more of the fun side of my job than the boring because a lot of weapons will be in need of fixing. Albert went to see a cilent of his yesterday who was Airborne but now in SWAT said with that job I'll be stationed where ever I want. I don't know how exactly that'll work, but the guy said he had a friend who did that and went on to EOD. I guess there's not many in that job field, which is good. Basler said the classroom will be 40% women (ew) and 60% guys.

Yesterday was my going away party. It was suppose to be a small get together with Mary and Dave, Mark, Matt, and Fran, but ended up being a lot bigger than expected, and a lame excuse to get together and talk about babies. So much for my party. The only person who seemed the play with the idea was my father who made a toast to me and Jessica's husband, David who seemed interested in the idea of me going into the Army. Mary and Jessica kept saying how crazy it was of me and basically you could read how dumb. Cora (a girl I bartended with) asked why would I ever do that. It's hard to explain why I'm joining to them. Or to anyone. Why do guys join? Same reason I am, but that's just weird to them that I would do it for the same reason. I basically got drunk just so I didn't have to care about my crashed party. Plus I forgot my cigarettes. So there I am, stressed out without any smokes. How lovely.

I have to run with SSG. Basler next week. It's some Pre-Physical Assetment Test. Oh joy.

Albert's been too busy at work to see me for more than 3 hours at a time. :(

Date:	2006-01-06 13:22
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
+Joined the Army
+Had my longest relationship
+Broke my birthday curse
+Graduated from highschool
+Bartended as a job
+Quit drinking/using drugs
+Had a peace order placed against me (for no reason too >:o)
+Dated basically one guy the entire year
+Got my highest paycheck ever: $700/bi weekly
+Owned my very first piece of Versace
+Owned my very first real fur (rabbit doesn't count)
+Owned my very first diamond! (or diamonds I should say)
+Went clubbin'


2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't have any, but this year's resolutions are:
+Graduate from boot camp
+Lose the pounds I had to gain for the Army
+Be able to run a mile in 6 mins. and 25 secs.
+Be more outgoing
+Be faithful
+Get into 82nd Airborne
+Go to Iraq
+Stationed at Fort Bragg
+Make a lot of new friends
+Work on my relationship with Albert
+Get 10 jumps in
+Become a Specialist or Corporal
+Tell my parents about Albert and I.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
+Miss Jessica had her baby on St. Paddy's Day

4. What countries did you visit?
+Stayed in the US (ew)

5. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
+More cofidence in myself
+Stable job
+Better relationship with Albert.

6. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory?
+Around August 5 as well as the 18th
+December 29th as the worst experience ever

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
+Graduating from HS
+Joining the Army

8. What was your biggest failure?
+Cheating on Albert.

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?
+Not really.

10. What was the best thing you bought?
+My beautiful $2800 Versace dress from NY

11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
+My mom. Her sensiblity has come in handy for once - she's supporting me in joining and my want to go to Iraq (unlike the rest of my family and friends).

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
+Albert for getting a peace order on me
+This girl who's name will be withheld. Let's just say she was being a stuck-up, miss-know-it-all bitch when in fact SHE'S WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING.

13. Where did most of your money go?
+SHOPPING!!!!!!! :)

14. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
+Albert getting back together with me.
+Everytime Albert talked about marriage.
+Thinking about Airborne school.
+Albert giving me diamonds for Christmas.
+Albert being at 95% close one month.
+Oh, and my Versace dress.


15. What song/album will always remind you of 2005?
+Dem Franchise Boyz - Oh, I Think They Like Me Remix; reminds me of all the wealth Albert and I had this year just blowing it and saying, "I'm richer than you are!"

16. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder?
+Happier. NO SCHOOL, plus um, I'm gonna be Airborne. I'm gonna be spec. ops. Oooo boiiii! And I love Albert. Hehe.

ii. Thinner or fatter?
+I believe fatter. I had to gain 3 lbs.

iii. Richer or poorer?
+Richer nigga. I'm always rich. Plus I gots a $12K bonus. Uhhh.
+Metaphorically richer because I have Albert supporting me.

17. What do you wish you'd done more of?
+Stayed faithful.
+Kept friendships alive.

18. What do you wish you'd done less of?
+Getting wasted.
+Hurting Albert.

19. How did you spend Christmas?
+Well, I watched A Christmas Story with my folks. They left to go to my grandma's, and I met up with Albert at a hotel room where he had Christmas candles everywhere, and stockings, and all these cute Christmas decorations. Plus his present was the bestest! Basically, I spent Christmas happy!

20. Did you fall in love in 2005?
+Well, I was already in love at the start of 2005. I fell back in love with him after our whole ordeal.

21. How many one night stands in this last year?
+None (wow!). I did hook up with someone, but there was no sex involved.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
+SPONGEBOB!
+Full House
+OOoo OOoo and Perfect Hair Forever.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
+Mmm, not really hate. Some people just annoy me.

24. What was the best book you read?
+Siddhartha.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
+None.

26. What did you want and get?
+A cashmere wrap with mink trim in Camel color!
+Money.
+My baby back.
+Guaranteed Airborne school.
+A beautiful Versace dress.

27. What did you want and not get?
+Healthy relationship with Albert.
+More friends.
+Guaranteed to be in the 82nd (or 101st) Airborne division.
+Parachute rigger job.
Longer DEP time.

28. What was your favourite film of this year?
+Jarhead.
+Crash.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
+Well, I didn't do much on my birthday, but the Friday of the week of my birthday I went to my very first 18+ club and saw Paul Okenfold with Albert, Reuben, Kelley, and Garrett. It was AWESOME! And I was 18 nigga.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
+More outgoing
+Not to of cheated on Albert.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
+UH DESIGNER EVERYTHING! INCLUDING THE SOCKS! mmph! Versace jeans, Vera Wang heels, fur coat, and Cavalli shirt. Oh yeah.

33. What kept you sane?
+Albert coming back.
+Money to go to shopping with.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you like the most?
+PARIS HILTON

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
+Uhhhhhhhhh, Bush pulling troops out. (even though I hate Bush, and he's an ASSHOLE, and I don't support this war, but it can't end before I get there!), and uhhhh, anything and everything Bush does.

36. Who did you miss?
+Albert.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
+Kera!

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
+Never be unfaithful.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"Same chick, same click, more bricks in the bank."

In 2005 did you:
1. Go to a party?
Yes

2. Try something new?
Yes, Arab food and it's awesome!

3. Have someone change your life?
Albert. Him breaking up with me made me want to enlist, and I ended up doing so.

4. Tell your family and friends you love them?
Yes, I should say it more often.

5. Buy something extravagant?
Versace everything!

6. Do something nice for you?
Yes, it's called shopping.

7. Do something terribly wrong?
Yes. :(

8. Move?
No.

9. Go to a concert?
Yes.

Best of the Year:
1. Party: I can't remember. Probably a drug party.

2. Show: Perfect Hair Forever.

3. CD: NIN's new one.

4. Movie: Jarhead.

5. Song: OOOOOOOOOOOOH I THINK THEY LIKE ME

6. Experience: Driving around Maryland with Albert.

7. Concert: Uhhhh, can't remember.

8. Book: Siddhartha.

9. Month: July. Things were carefree then.

10. Day: I don't know.


Hopes for 2006:
1. Predict something that you think will happen in 2006?
I'll be placed in an Aiborne unit.
I'll be sent to Iraq.
Albert and I will get engaged.
I'll grow up.

2. What do you hope changes about your country?
Uh, that it grows up.

3. What do you hope for yourself?
A great experience in the Army.

4. What do you hope for your family?
Happiness. My dad can retire early.

5. What do you hope for your best friends?
Hope they get everything that they wanted out of life.

6. What do you hope for the rest of your friends?
Grow up.

7. Do you think any amazing medical advances will be made?
Probably.

8. What is your hope for 2006?
That I found what I wanted in life.

During 2005:
Where were you when it began:
David and Kelley's apartment at their New Year's party.

Did you stay up:
Yes.

What was your new year wish?
Probably had something to do with Albert and I sticking together.

How many boyfriends:
One.

Broke up:
Once. A lot of friendships died out.

Have any crushes?:
My boyfriend.

Care to mention names?
Albert.

New friends:
Some.

Win anything?
No.

Best place you went to:
New York!

Worst place you went to:
OC with the folks. I was devistated the entire trip.

Happiest moment:
Baby came back.

How was your birthday:
FUN!

Date:	2006-01-01 20:34
Subject:	The Entire Enlistment Process.
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed

So, here's the whole story about me joining the Army. I went to MEPS on the 28th because SSG. Basler thought I could get a weight waiver during my physical (I was two lbs. under and still am). I arrive, SSG. Basler leaves me in this lobby room where I'm sitting there for about an hour. A petty officer comes in to get all the kids who were there to take the ASVAB. So, I took the ASVAB (did pretty well on the Auto part), and I ended up scoring a 67 (so much for taking a year off from school, haha). Then we were instructed to go into a briefing room where we sat there for about another hour (watching fucking sports) until this Army guy comes in and explains how the whole hotel things gonna work and about coming back in the morning. Once the bus arrived we were taken to a Comfort Inn around Glen Burnie. When we arrived we were directed into another briefing room where we were to get our room keys plus food tickets. I ended up sharing a room with a small black girl who didn't talk much, but sharing a room with her was good because she had gone to bed around 8. So, anyway I went down to get some dinner and met up with a black girl who was joining the Air Force. Afterwards I went to smoke a cigarette and ended up meeting some guys who were shipping off the next day. Meet a few people joining the Marines and thought, "Thank God I'm not joining." They were some weird fucks I'll tell you what. I started to feel at ease about joining the Army because a lot of kool, normal people were joining plus feeling at ease because I ended up having conversations with some people (so hopefully at Basic I'll make some friends). I ended up stopping by the lounge where I met a black guy who was trying to do Special Forces. He was re-joining the Army and had already finished up Airborne school. Once I got back to the room it was around 9, and I tried getting to sleep, but I couldn't because of stupid girls in both the rooms next to us were just fucking talking all night. So, I ended up getting up around 3:15 and getting ready to go get some breakfast. I had to of dropped my hotel key off and went to breakfast around 4:15. I get on the bus and ended up sitting next to the dorkiest fucking white kid in the world. Every time he talked with a black guy he'd tried to sound all ghetto and say, "Yo," all the time. I was about to straight punch him in the mouth. He kept quoting Full Metal Jacket (worst movie ever), and I just wanted to say hun, no one fucking cares.

We arrive at MEPS around 4:45 and are taken into the briefing room we were in the night before. That stupid white kid ended up sitting in front of me. Running his mouth about going into the Marines and all that shit. Ended up introducing himself to me. 10 minutes later a Marine (very cute I might add) comes in and is taking call for all the Marines going through their physicals. He was very vulgar and ended up cussing out a kid who couldn't speak up. The Marine leaves, and white boy is over here about to shit himself with excitement. Then an Army guy comes in and calmly is explaining the process and lying about your history is for morally defective people. After he leaves, white boy turns around and says, "See the difference." I was about to punch him in the mouth. I wanted to say, "Well, that nigga's Airborne and Airborne men seem to be able to keep their cool unlike that fucking Marine." Plus all the guys trying to go into the Marines were all dorks who were beaten up in high school. So, fuck it.

I end up being taken to a room after getting my papers all checked out by the Army Liaison office. Afterwards I was taken (with all the other girls) to the medical lobby right in front of the lab station where I was starting to freak out because I always end up making a scene after my blood's been taken. All the girls ended up being aqquainted with one another. I was the only Army regular in the group of 10. So, by the time I go into the lab station I'm pretty fucking nervous. I had an Air Force guy take my blood. While we were sitting there, and the needle was in me I felt pretty calm. I was thinking, "Wow, this isn't so bad. I don't feel sick." To my surprise there was no blood in the vile! The man says, "You're a slow bleeder." I'm like, "Oh, shit." By the time the blood is going into the vile (very slowly I might add), I very slowly feel my body being to crash. I ended up not seeing correctly and feeling like I was going to puke. The guy tells me to breathe slowly and put my head in between my legs. I did and I'm still feeling weird. He gets me some water. So, while I'm with my head in between my legs (which really does work) he's bent down doing the same thing, and tells a woman who walks in he's helping me through it. :) I thought that was very nice. So, by the time I feel alright I get up, and he walks me to the Urinanaylsis station where I piss in a cup and the lady has to watch. While I'm in line to give to cup to the doctor the lady asks if I'm alright and did I come from blood work. I said, yes and while I'm signing papers I hear, "We're losing her!" and I'm on the couch. The lady was very nice and she said her name was Nancy and she happy to of met me. She got me chocolate and water, and just talked to me while I'm pretty groggy. I don't care what people say, the people at MEPS where very nice to me (well, some of them anyway).

After I ended up feeling better, I was taken to hearing, vision, then to history. The doctor was intimidating, scary, and mean. She was an older Arab woman who demanding you around like nobody’s business during the examination. By this time I’m freaking out about the scars on my arms. I was afraid she’d see them (they’re very prominent), and I’d be disqualified from the Armed Forces. Many of the girls who had finished their first part of the history were talking about her asking about scars and tattoos. I thought, “Scars?! I’m done.” I get in there, hiding my under forearms as best as I can while she asked me questions about my medical history. Once I was done, I had to strip down to my bra and underwear to be weighed and have my height taken. I came out to be 100.8 lbs. The lady put down 100 (not fair!), so I’m two pounds under. :( Then I had to change into a paper robe, get felt up, and put back on my bra and panties to do exercises. Once those were done we had our physicals stamped saying we passed.

Well, I was given until January 5th to put on the weight I needed to pass MEPS entirely and continue with the processing, but I fought for a waiver. I ended up going back and forth to different offices, sitting in the lobby for around 4 hours without my recruiter, wondering if the liaison office forgot about my waiver. Everyone else had their recruiters, and I was freaking out thinking maybe he wasn’t coming. One hour passes, then two, then three, then I’m about to flip. I call him. No answer. Had Sgt. Arnold (another recruiter) help me through the whole process with the liaison office. I finally 4 hours later had my waiver passed saying I had to gain the pounds before I came back to MEPS when I ship out.

I went into the career counselor’s office to talk about what job I am going to do. I was set on going into Airborne and being a parachute rigger. The man pulls up the Airborne jobs within Jan. – March. No rigger job. I feel crushed. The only job that went alongside of Airborne was Ammunition Specialist, which was leaving on the 19th. Almost about to faint over the stress of waiting, not knowing where my recruiter was, and now this, I asked can I get a later date to basic. He says, “No. You’re not in school so you don’t qualify. Blah, blah, blah.” I’m about to die. I’m thinking should I back down, should I stick through with it. While the man was talking about all the different jobs I just stopped to think about Albert and I. I was freaking out in my head. I said, well, I have to be Airborne. I’ll take the Ammunition job. I got a $12,000 signing bonus. I leave on the 19th, then one or two days after graduation I go to job training for 11 weeks, then off to Airborne school. The Marines get 10 days off after basic. Why not me? I couldn’t sign up for going to Iraq because I have no unit yet. For unit assigned to it says unassigned airborne. What if I don’t get into an Airborne unit? I’ll be crushed. I’ll go crazy. I’ll fucking think everything was a waste. My goal is fucking Airborne. It’s to exceed in every Airborne job possible. Rigger, Jumpmaster, Pathfinder, HALO school, Freefall, Competitive Jumping, Air Assault, then become an instructor. I want every set of wings possible. I can’t be placed into a non-Airborne unit. Basler says it’s unlikely I won’t be placed in 82nd or 101st. He said the Army wouldn’t waste their money sending me to Airborne school not to be in an Airborne unit. Hopefully he’s right. He was in a unit; he was a Jumpmaster; Air Assault. I want to exceed just like he did. Plus, leaving on the 19th; that’s too much for me. If I go through with getting my ass to ship off on the 19th and actually make it through all my training it’ll say a whole lot about me. It’ll show how tough I really am to just give everything up in my life in 3 weeks. Let’s hope I can do it. I’m going to miss Albert the most. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I know he’s disappointed I’m leaving so soon for a job I know nothing about. He’s not acting sad because I’ll just breakdown. I am breaking down. I can’t get myself to work out, and I NEED to start now. I can’t run though. I’ll lose weight. I’m going to have my ass handed back to me come basic. What am I going to do?

Date:	2005-12-31 15:03
Subject:	I've Joined.
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious

So, I'm in. I took the oath of enlistment on December 29th, 2005 at MEPS. I'm in the Army. I'm going to be an Airborne ammunition specialist (whatever that is). I got a $12,000 bonus. I go to basic on January 19th at Missouri. :( It's alittle too soon for me. I'm going to explain every goddamn thing later.

Happy New Year's everyone.

Date:	2005-12-20 21:53
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	nervous

I have to go in to talk to SSG. Basler's superior tomorrow morning. One, it's a woman, and two, I'm nervous. I don't know why she wants to meet me.

I've been studying for the ASVAB like crazy. It's funny how over the years you forgot basic math because in highschool all you used was calculators. SSG. Basler said I don't need to study, and he recommends I don't. But fuck that. I want to get a high score.

I'm on a mission to gain weight. It's not working too well. Plus I hate eating. A lot. Tomorrow I go in to be weighed. Hopefully I gained something.

I'm nervous about joining the military. What if I don't make any friends? Or there's too many girls = too much drama. Or what if the guys don't like me. Or just treat me like a piece of ass. I hope that former-Airborne turned cop was right. He told Albert Airborne will be the best years of my life. :(

I go to MEPS December 27th. Wish me luck on passing.

Date:	2005-12-15 12:10
Subject:	Ashley Might Go Airborne
Security:	Public
Mood:	irritated

So, now I have another problem. Whether to join the beloved Marines or join the Army. I know, I hate the Army. It's just not as united as USMC. There's too many people, too many women, and too much careerism, but the reason why I want to join is Airborne. I met with a recruiter on Tuesday, and he was Airborne for 6 years. I wanna do it. I'd get a $3000-$12,000 (the bigger amount the more time I'm enlisted for) bonus. I wanna go to Iraq, and they can put me there. The know which units are being deployed within twelve months. With that I get $400/month. I can be a parachute rigger or even do EOD. I can choose my unit. I'd get to be part of special ops. even though I'm a girl! I'm destined to be around combat zones. I'd get to be a part of something elite. Plus, he said I could be an E-6 in six years. I'd start out as an E-3 because of Airborne. He said in the Marines you don't get promised the job you want (he showed me their contract). He said becoming an E-6 would take 9 years in the Marines. It's just how do I know I'm going to enjoy the Army? I wanna be proud of my branch, and I don't know if I'd get that in the Army even if I did Airborne. I wanted to go to Parris Island. I wanted to become a Marine. I still do! I tried calling them A MILLION times and no one picks up. So, today I finally left a message. Hopefully they'll get back to me.:( I'm suppose to call Sgt. Basler back tomorrow (Army). The Marine Corps. is pissing me off with not picking up. That's not fucking professional. Honestly. I don't know, what should I do?

Part of me wants to take the easy way out and just stay here with Albert. Maybe do make-up. But I wanna join! :/

I'm having a career crisis over here. I don't know if I should follow in my father's footsteps, do the whole haute couture thing and do make-up, or join the military. If I do in fact join the Marines and I don't go to Iraq I'm going to be heartbroken. Guys, you don't know how lucky you got it. You get to decide what you want to do in the military. I have to do a "women's" job because a women isn't up for combat. Give me a fucking break.

Date:	2005-10-17 21:06
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated

I found out today that E.O.D. (Expolsive Ordance Disposal aka. Bomb Squad) has the highest drop out/fail out rate of all jobs in the military. Supposedly you have to be a very commited and intelligent person to pull off that job. I was reading an article on the Marine website, "E.O.D.: Looking For a Few Good Men," explained that they only take military lifers, and you have to sign up and "prove" you are capable to do the job (because they don't want to invest in someone who is going to waste their time as well as money for schooling). I still wanna do it. I know I'm not the type of person to stick with much or work my ass off (although in time of need I have been known to work my fucking ass off), but I know I'm smart and capable. Besides if I join the military I need to feel like I'm in a military, and I need adventure. I'd love to do combat, but being that I'm a woman that's out of the picture. So, I'm moving on and looking at something else, and that something else is bomb squad. I've thought about doing aviation like a fighter jet, but that's going to be awhile before I make it into that (I have to pull a mustang move, which I do plan on doing but not for another few years). The Iraq War is still going on, and I can't miss my chance. I mean, 3 months for boot camp, 2 weeks leave (or one week), then what? 2 months for Infantry School, then off to speciality school (and it's E.O.D., how fucking long is that schooling gonna take?), plus wait for deployment, and on top of that waiting during deployment's been issued. Fuck this, the war's gonna be over before I get there. That's what I'm worried about.

So, on the 11th I hit a rabbit, and it's been bothering me since, so I'm going to spill my heart out (shrinks tell you to talk about your feelings and signicant events). I was driving down Comus Road when a bunny ran out in front of my car. I look down, saw the bunny, and kept driving until it processed through my head that there was a bunny. Next thing I know before I could do anything I hit him. My car hitting him was the worst sound ever. I started balling out crying because I hit a rabbit! I never have hit an animal before for the 3 years I've been driving! Everytime I see roadkill I think, "Whoever hit that poor animal should go to hell. They're bad people." Now I'm the bad person. I was always saying to myself how cars should of never been invented because so many animals die a year, a month, a day, an hour. I mean, I go and do what I look down on, and that poor rabbit. It was alive one second, and I took its life. I can't cope with the fact that I killed something. Now I won't drive down Comus anymore. I take the long way home (and I mean long). You guys might think I'm insane for caring so much, but it's a living thing (or was), and me taking its life was the worst thing I've ever done.

Anyway, yesterday we had an outing (Catholic outing might I add ^_^). I made about $150 in tips plus I sold about $400 (so I get 18%, plus my hourly). It was awesome. I now have money! Today I made about $52 in tips. It was kind of shitty for the fact that there was an outing I had to take care of (usually on outings because people don't have to pay for beer they tip awhole better), and these people didn't tip. I'm guessing it's because they don't know how to tip? I don't know. Usually during outings if the people don't normally play golf or aren't businessmen they don't know you tip at a golf course, so maybe that was it. So, I'm giving you all words of advice: IF YOU ARE TO EVER GO TO A GOLF COURSE, PLEASE TIP THE BEV CART GIRL, THE BARTENDER, THE WAITRESSES, AS WELL AS ANYONE HELPING. Thank you. :)

I have tomorrow off. :) Eee.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Ashley
2. Ashie
3. Baby

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. inheavenwith211
2. KandyKid88
3. iwishiwasdeltaforce

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. eyes
2. weight
3. arms

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. legs
2. stomach
3. hair, needs to be re-dyed

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. GERMAN!
2. French
3.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. living in the woods (my house is scurry)
2. serial killers
3. midgets

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. phone
2. keys
3. cigarettes

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. black straight legged pants
2. USMC sweatshirt
3. thong

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. Drop It Like It's Hott Remix
2. Garden Grove - Sublime
3. Firreal - Deftones

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. hot guy
2. loyalty
3. excitement

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order, try and guess which is which):
1. born and rasied in D.C.
2. Secretly am a lesbian
3. I can run a mile in 6 minutes and 25 seconds

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. face
2. biceps
3. legs (I HATE when guys have SKINNNNNNY calves. Go do some leg presses boys!)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. day off tomorrow
2. sleep
3. money

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Marine E.O.D.
2. Montgomery County Bomb Squad
3. Montgomery County or State S.W.A.T. (SRT) team

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. GERMANY!
2. St. Lucia (I want to go back)
3. Tokyo!


THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. FUCK
2. HAVING
3. KIDS

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Get married and STAY married
2. Go to war
3. Be happily and wealthly unemployed for years

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL/GUY:
1. I'm obsessed with shoes.
2. I talk horribly about every girl I see.
3. I like to bitch.

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Vin Diesel
2. That guy on Prisonbreak
3. Pierce Brosman

By the way, I went to King of Prussia mall in PA (what a drive) this Saturday a basically wasted $600 on 5 things. A pair of Versace jeans (which I don't even like that much!), a jacket, leopard print skirt (hm, winter's coming. Smart move.), a $98 shirt, and a scarf. Oh, and Coach shoes. Someone shoot me. I should of saved it. Plus yesterday I bought a two shirts, pants, and a necklace.

And it's hard trying to stay motivated through all this shit.

Women are the niggers of the world.

Date:	2005-09-19 11:51
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	curious

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT THE NUMBER NEXT TO YOUR USERNAME ON YOUR INFO PAGE MEAN? THE AMOUNT OF DIGITS MEAN SOMETHING, AND I'M TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT!

P.S. I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY happy for some reason I CANNOT say, but let's just say something wonderful happened.

P.S.S. I visited an Army base in D.C., and it was the UGLIEST, TRASHIEST thing I've ever seen. All the guys were aloof, and mean towards each other. I hope the Marines isn't like that because it was such a turn off. Someone really needs to instill family values into the Army. I must admit I wish the Marines wore berets. They're really kool. (P.S. within a P.S. I haven't been working out lately because of my job. I've been working fucking DOUBLES everyday of last week. I was exhausted. I was hoping to go do upper body today till I fucking threw my back out. I think it's a hernia [sp?])

P.S.S.S. I put a "SEMPER FI" sticker on my car as well as the anchor, globe, and eagle.